Stick This in Your Moral Majority and Smoke it: Bible Game Announced
Questions about everyone’s favourite hippy carpenter promised.
SPOnG’s coverage of various Chinese issues failed miserably to get an official denouncement from the student-slaying government in the country, something we are still very upset about. This being the case, we put our thinking caps on and had an 80s-inspired brainstorming session. Who would go on the record to officially denounce SPOnG?
Then a press release from Crave Entertainment landed in our inbox. It detailed The Bible Game for PlayStation 2 and Game Boy Advance. We had our answer, as though it had been delivered by god himself.
On to the point, the Bible Game is perhaps the strangest title we’ve seen crop up for some time. The press release promises that “The Bible Game for PlayStation 2 casts players as contestants on a game show with fast-paced, "beat the buzzer" action and a comical off-screen announcer as emcee. 20 mini- and micro-games with 1,500 questions reinforce inspirational Old Testament teachings such as Jonah and the Whale, David and Goliath, The Tower of Babel, and many more. Multiplayer mode for up to four players encourages family members of all ages to play together, and provides a fun alternative for family game nights.”
Inspirational is a somewhat strange way of describing the selected stories. As far as SPOnG sees it:
Jonah and the Whale – Man gets eaten by whale. Like Pinocchio but without the cool Pleasure Island bit.
David and Goliath – Big man gets chinned by small man. Like at the Crown and Sceptre in Ashton, every darts match.
The Tower of Babel – A load of men build a tower in order to be closer to god, with the intention of getting into heaven. God gets angry and breaks tower down, and as punishment makes everyone speak different languages so they couldn't understand each other. Hence 'babelfish'. God is evil. Website made.
The Bible Game featuring everyone's favourite deity (the mean and bad tempered flooding and pestilence type, not the hippy one the Romans liked so much in the end) will launch in the US in October. We guarantee that a review will appear on these pages then. Stay tuned.
Then a press release from Crave Entertainment landed in our inbox. It detailed The Bible Game for PlayStation 2 and Game Boy Advance. We had our answer, as though it had been delivered by god himself.
On to the point, the Bible Game is perhaps the strangest title we’ve seen crop up for some time. The press release promises that “The Bible Game for PlayStation 2 casts players as contestants on a game show with fast-paced, "beat the buzzer" action and a comical off-screen announcer as emcee. 20 mini- and micro-games with 1,500 questions reinforce inspirational Old Testament teachings such as Jonah and the Whale, David and Goliath, The Tower of Babel, and many more. Multiplayer mode for up to four players encourages family members of all ages to play together, and provides a fun alternative for family game nights.”
Inspirational is a somewhat strange way of describing the selected stories. As far as SPOnG sees it:
Jonah and the Whale – Man gets eaten by whale. Like Pinocchio but without the cool Pleasure Island bit.
David and Goliath – Big man gets chinned by small man. Like at the Crown and Sceptre in Ashton, every darts match.
The Tower of Babel – A load of men build a tower in order to be closer to god, with the intention of getting into heaven. God gets angry and breaks tower down, and as punishment makes everyone speak different languages so they couldn't understand each other. Hence 'babelfish'. God is evil. Website made.
The Bible Game featuring everyone's favourite deity (the mean and bad tempered flooding and pestilence type, not the hippy one the Romans liked so much in the end) will launch in the US in October. We guarantee that a review will appear on these pages then. Stay tuned.
Companies:
Crave
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Comments
acidviper 11 May 2005 12:38
1/10
He only looks like a hippie because that's what white people want to see, not a Jewish carpenter. And there is no way this game gets released in the US.
The_gamer 11 May 2005 13:28
2/10
Those tower builders were trying to kill GOD. GOD didn't like what they had as intentions, so "he" gave into "his" action for their own good. (they could not cooperate and learned that they could not compare themselves to GOD.
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Pilot13 11 May 2005 13:31
3/10
And there is no way this game gets released in the US.
I'm fairly sure it will be, this isnt the first bible game...
Joji 11 May 2005 14:23
4/10
Development for this game has probably been funded by the Vatican or whoever in order to keep kids at home on their PS2s and away from kiddy fiddling priests. Or perhaps it's a recruitment tool to get them into churches in an age where many don't believe in organised religion. I could be wrong though.
I wonder if this game will include any Spanish Inquisition stages where MGS style but worse torture sessions are the order of the day? Memories of that old Monty Python's S.I sketch are now rising to the surface of my mind with much dark humour. Or what about levels where you get to plundering, burning and destroying cultures on pacific islands etc in the name of your religion? Can't have the good without the bad.
Frankly something like an Exorcist game would be a much better and more creatively original way of selling the church to people instead of this bs I'd be hard pushed to spend 5 quid on let alone 25. Really don't know why such a game as this has not been done yet. Now that I would buy.
I disagree with this game because of the very fact that everyone think religious texts are accurate and the word of God and therefore untouchable and unquestionable. Truth is the King James Bible has been edited by man (for political reason of that period or whatever, no mention of Mary Magdelene as one of the disciples is never mentioned and she is almost totally cut out of the book). Man is capable of lying. While a lot of the book is good common sense a lot of it is bs too. While I know some might see these comments as offensive that is not my intention. Take a chill pill as we are always being lied to.
Another odd thing is that the church has always had a problem with the representational image of the church in games long before this. Does anyone remember the flaming crucifix magic attack from one of the recent Castlevania games which was or wasn't removed from the final game? Or what about the crucifixes removed the churches (strangely) La Pucelle Tactics rpg game? If this is the case why now would anyone want this gaming biblebelt crowd pleaser? >Japanese attitudes to christianity I know are different since McArthur got there very late and not everyone waves Christ's flag. This might be reflected in it's media too)
I suppose it could be said that probably every religion has it's sins to carry in one way or another.
If I criticise and praise anything in life it's okay. Doing the same to some religions is considered bad since they only seem to want your praise, which is wrong. Do feel free to correct me if I'm wrong as I love a good debate.
What are you thinking Crave? What am I thinking writing this?
I wonder if this game will include any Spanish Inquisition stages where MGS style but worse torture sessions are the order of the day? Memories of that old Monty Python's S.I sketch are now rising to the surface of my mind with much dark humour. Or what about levels where you get to plundering, burning and destroying cultures on pacific islands etc in the name of your religion? Can't have the good without the bad.
Frankly something like an Exorcist game would be a much better and more creatively original way of selling the church to people instead of this bs I'd be hard pushed to spend 5 quid on let alone 25. Really don't know why such a game as this has not been done yet. Now that I would buy.
I disagree with this game because of the very fact that everyone think religious texts are accurate and the word of God and therefore untouchable and unquestionable. Truth is the King James Bible has been edited by man (for political reason of that period or whatever, no mention of Mary Magdelene as one of the disciples is never mentioned and she is almost totally cut out of the book). Man is capable of lying. While a lot of the book is good common sense a lot of it is bs too. While I know some might see these comments as offensive that is not my intention. Take a chill pill as we are always being lied to.
Another odd thing is that the church has always had a problem with the representational image of the church in games long before this. Does anyone remember the flaming crucifix magic attack from one of the recent Castlevania games which was or wasn't removed from the final game? Or what about the crucifixes removed the churches (strangely) La Pucelle Tactics rpg game? If this is the case why now would anyone want this gaming biblebelt crowd pleaser? >Japanese attitudes to christianity I know are different since McArthur got there very late and not everyone waves Christ's flag. This might be reflected in it's media too)
I suppose it could be said that probably every religion has it's sins to carry in one way or another.
If I criticise and praise anything in life it's okay. Doing the same to some religions is considered bad since they only seem to want your praise, which is wrong. Do feel free to correct me if I'm wrong as I love a good debate.
What are you thinking Crave? What am I thinking writing this?
SPInGSPOnG 11 May 2005 14:45
5/10
acidviper wrote:
He only looks like a hippie because that's what white people want to see, not a Jewish carpenter.
Yeah, because it's... like, a lot harder bombing arabs in the name of God when you realise that God's son was an Arab, or something.
fluffstardx 11 May 2005 18:24
6/10
Oh my chosen religious deity it's Chef's Bible Luv Shack.
It's such a bad idea I could puke.
It's such a bad idea I could puke.
LUPOS 11 May 2005 21:52
7/10
perhaps this will be offensive... that is not my intent... but am i the only one that thinks the overall quality of the game will suffer do to the subject matter... and not to say that the bible doesnt provide ample oportunity for quality gaming... hell every boss battle since contra has been a david and goliath afaire... but rather, the people who are the trully devoted (here comes the prespoke ugly generalization) are usually not the most uh... well... uh... scientifically minded (i.e. rational thinkers) not the sort of people who naturally get along well with computers... try lookign for home made religious web sites... make those navigator gold(tm) sites i made in grade school look good (obcene animated gifs and everything).
all im saying is in order to make a decent game they will probably have to enlist the help of some heathens... and i doubt the church is into that... i imagine this game will make MK advanced look as though it where polished with the holy shroud (sp?).
Note: i am aware that there are many a bishop and cardianl and such that speak more languages than i coudl even list... but those are the puppet masters of the whole thing... not the average middle americanesque schlub that makes up the target audience (just my assumption)
feel free to lay into me if you feel insulted... i probbaly want get a chance to read it anyway :P
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all im saying is in order to make a decent game they will probably have to enlist the help of some heathens... and i doubt the church is into that... i imagine this game will make MK advanced look as though it where polished with the holy shroud (sp?).
Note: i am aware that there are many a bishop and cardianl and such that speak more languages than i coudl even list... but those are the puppet masters of the whole thing... not the average middle americanesque schlub that makes up the target audience (just my assumption)
feel free to lay into me if you feel insulted... i probbaly want get a chance to read it anyway :P
___________________
jsm30625 12 May 2005 00:50
8/10
LUPOS wrote:
perhaps this will be offensive... that is not my intent... but am i the only one that thinks the overall quality of the game will suffer do to the subject matter... and not to say that the bible doesnt provide ample oportunity for quality gaming... hell every boss battle since contra has been a david and goliath afaire... but rather, the people who are the trully devoted (here comes the prespoke ugly generalization) are usually not the most uh... well... uh... scientifically minded (i.e. rational thinkers) not the sort of people who naturally get along well with computers... try lookign for home made religious web sites... make those navigator gold(tm) sites i made in grade school look good (obcene animated gifs and everything).
all im saying is in order to make a decent game they will probably have to enlist the help of some heathens... and i doubt the church is into that... i imagine this game will make MK advanced look as though it where polished with the holy shroud (sp?).
Note: i am aware that there are many a bishop and cardianl and such that speak more languages than i coudl even list... but those are the puppet masters of the whole thing... not the average middle americanesque schlub that makes up the target audience (just my assumption)
feel free to lay into me if you feel insulted... i probbaly want get a chance to read it anyway :P
___________________
all im saying is in order to make a decent game they will probably have to enlist the help of some heathens... and i doubt the church is into that... i imagine this game will make MK advanced look as though it where polished with the holy shroud (sp?).
Note: i am aware that there are many a bishop and cardianl and such that speak more languages than i coudl even list... but those are the puppet masters of the whole thing... not the average middle americanesque schlub that makes up the target audience (just my assumption)
feel free to lay into me if you feel insulted... i probbaly want get a chance to read it anyway :P
___________________
The overall quality will suffer because it is just a bible question game, it is not that interactive.
"all im saying is in order to make a decent game they will probably have to enlist the help of some heathens... and i doubt the church is into that.."
Why do you say that? Do you think Christians only purchase food from other Christians? Do you think they only purchase computers/electrical appliances, furniture/consumer electronics/videogames only from Christians? I don't get your point.
acidviper 12 May 2005 03:53
9/10
Rod Todd wrote:
Yeah, because it's... like, a lot harder bombing arabs in the name of God when you realise that God's son was an Arab, or something.
it's... like, wtf are you smoking, or something.
LUPOS 12 May 2005 23:16
10/10
jsm30625 wrote:
The overall quality will suffer because it is just a bible question game, it is not that interactive.
Why do you say that? Do you think Christians only purchase food from other Christians? Do you think they only purchase computers/electrical appliances, furniture/consumer electronics/videogames only from Christians? I don't get your point.
uh... hacidic jews tend to only shop from other jews whenever possible... indians tend to stick to gether, same with most of the asian groups... I have lived in nyc "the melting pot" sine 1998 and even though there are representatives of every faith and race here... alot of them tend to stick together... hence china town and little italy.
and we arent talking about going to a store and looking for a kosher mark on a ps2 game... we are talking about developing a game for christians specifically... now im just guessing here... but i imagine a new company would be formed for this purpose... since i dont think they are going ot get EA or midway to do it on contract. Now if i where a religious person... and if i where making a company to make religious games.. i woudl hire like minded people... thats just the way it goes.
and for refference sake, i wasnt really trying to make a POINT, this wasnt meant as a particualrly serious post... it was just an amusing thought i had. amusing to me atleast... and thats really all that matters :)
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