Fig. 1: The Gillette technique
There are numerous ways to die: we can think of at least 12 right off the top of our heads, but generally speaking, the whys and wherefores of these unfortunate ends are not things we particularly like to dwell on. But there are those of more morose aesthetic persuasions who enjoy delving into the full diversity of the fatal options available. According to dancehall legend Cutty Ranks, who daily serenades this writer via a next door neighbour's car stereo, there's a whole 6 million ways to die. And whilst we can't, at time of going to press, confirm the accuracy of this estimate, the sentiment is pretty clear... "Six million ways to die, Choose one! A what dem a try fi do, try fi test me? You waan test the rocket launcher? Well let me tell you something. Me are the original butcher. Me have fi chop. Lord have mercy."
Fig. 2: The John Smith
Well Lord have mercy indeed, because there really are lots of ways to die, but even Cutty 'original butcher' Ranks could only come up with about 14 ways to die in the course of that track. Yet The Punisher [US PS2 version reviewed] features more than 100 horribly specific ways to meet the maker, so players may need to plea for a little more than mercy when judgement day
Fig. 3: The Volt Vault
comes. You'll be handing your imagination over to Satan as you explore the grisly hobby that is extreme vigilante torture, as one of the most horrifically violent games ever produced leaks out onto your screen. GTA? Manhunt? Mercenaries? Shadow of Rome? Resident Evil 4? Pah! That's weak-sauce child's play for girlie tree-hugging life-lovers.
Fig. 4: The short back'n'sides
If The Punisher had been a
de novo creation, without its esteemed Marvelous comic book history, and attendant poor movie convertions, one might imagine this game simply being banned before release. Regardless of the fact that you're supposedly on the side of good, it is being sold wholly on the back of its disturbingly imaginative designs - intended purely to cause people an enormous amount of pain. Morally speaking, it's treading on thin ice: whilst riding a red-hot, spiky pogo-stick of doom. However, as a representation of a well-established fictional character, it has managed to slither through in all its anti-glory.
