Reviews// Get On Da Mic

Apparently there is some sort of market for karaoke games. We're not quite sure why, but someone somewhere must be buying them. We'd ask them kindly to stop. Karaoke machines are one thing, but reducing a perfectly good games machine to the state of a glorified CD player seems entirely unnecessary. Anyway, we had a look at the latest hip-hop styled offering from Artificial Mind and gave it a test-run.

As big fans of both video-games and hip-hop, we suppose we're the target market for this sort of thing. But it just doesn't work for us. We were going to write a virtually endless list of reasons why this doesn't work for us, but, like this game, that idea seemed a little half-hearted and unsubstantial.

So instead, getting in the righteous vibe, we thought we'd get on da mic and wax lyrical...

Uh-huh, uh-huh, huh-huh-huh...

So we got sent this game from the folk at Eidos,
"that's totally inane" said the bloke who's my Boss,
scratching his mane, he was looking at a right loss,
"You deal with this, cos this is your sort of type of..."
"Well, no actually..." and he let off a sly cough,
before he carried on and said that I was just a snide toff,
"but it's true you like hip-hop, it's called Get On Da Mic,
so turn on the new flip-top and then get on and type!"
I reckoned I might, so I forgot all the hype
to objectively write... (and because there wasn't really any)
cos this game is the type sold a tenner less a penny,
when the Christmas rush has ended and the sales start getting messy,
I mean, rap karaoke? that's hardly saying "get me"

Get On Da Mic? Right, well, SPOnG’s giving it a D grade,
Shell out for this game, and you’re the one who’s being played,
If you’ve got an office party you’ll get the lagered ones to be swayed,
But everybody else will wonder why this game has been made.

And anyway, I bet the game won't sell to fans of the music,
Eidos got the right to massive tracks, and have seemingly abused it,
with these shite wack cover versions - and not the popular true hits…
although it does mean that granny's rapping might conceivably improve it.
But the fundamental premise can be ripped up by the critics
The only point of rapping is to spit out your own lyrics,
So all this singing-along is evidently just a gimmick,
That no self-respecting MC would ever try and mimic.
Another clear issue is the ominous lack of swearing
Even though such a feature would obviously be daring
Fans will want to fling out cuss words whilst the backing tracks are blaring
Instead it’s censored up, and whilst we thank their caring,
Eidos has clearly never seen a real MC compering.

Get On Da Mic? Right, well, SPOnG’s giving it a D grade,
Shell out for this game, and you’re the one who’s being played,
If you’ve got an office party you’ll get the lagered ones to be swayed,
But everybody else will wonder why this game has been made.

But in the end, it don’t matter, cos the game can’t really judge
If you’ve got the chatter or if you’re just trying to fudge,
Your way through the verse with a meaningless sludge,
With a made up chorus that goes “Hudge mudge pudge”
So instead, the way it works it to gauge your verbal timing
By calculating how precisely you can arrange the rhyming
The sharpest consequently go and win some prize things
i.e. scrilla, wedge, loot, dead-prez funds with which to buy bling.
In its favour, better fun can be had with multiplayer
Especially against an aunt who’s a fan of Leo Sayer,
But take away the booze and this game won’t stand a prayer,
It has a novel touch but it’s nowhere near a stayer.
Another minor tweak that could have been a right joy
Is cross-compatibility for the Sony Eyetoy
So don those baggy jeans and lose the pokey tie. Oi!
throw V's up at the telly, now’s your time to shine, boy.

Get On Da Mic? Right, well, SPOnG’s giving it a D grade
Shell out for this game, and you’re the one who’s being played
If you’ve got an office party, you’ll get the lagered ones to be swayed
But everybody else will wonder why this game has been made.

This won’t appeal to rap fans, rockers, teen-boppers or ravers
There’s just an ever-present taste of over-artificial flavours,
For those hoping for a jam-in-a-box, Eidos has betrayed us
And for those who like rapping a lot, this one must be waivered.
And a shout out to 1up for writing a review in verse,
But you’ve been 1upped by SPOnG, and will be leaving in a hearse,
Admittedly we had thought that we would be the first
To write a rhyming feature. But at least ours ain’t the worst.
And to our dear readers, this game isn’t recommended,
The music-game divide still has not been transcended.
In the rare event you think that karaoke’s best and splendid
Only then is this watered down nonsense marginally less offensive.

Get On Da Mic? Right, well, SPOnG’s giving it a D grade
Shell out for this game, and you’re the one who’s being played
If you’ve got an office party, you’ll get the lagered ones to be swayed
But everybody else will wonder why this game has been made.

And we’re out like that.

Peace.

SPOnG Rating: D

There's just not much point in this game existing. People who want to rap can do so anyway, with instrumental hip-hop albums widely available for significantly less than the cost of this game. Conversely, the typical karaoke diet usually consists of poptastic ditties and improbably high-pitched ballads. Cover versions of famous rap records just won't hold particular appeal to the 'karaoke hardcore'. And thusly Get On Da Mic won't hold particular appeal to anyone. Wack ass!