Go Blind Looking at Joanna Dark

In the latest instalment of anticipation-stoking in the run-up to the Xbox 360 launch, Rare has put the Perfect Dark Zero microsite online.

If you want to take a look at it, you’d better have been eating your carrots. Our fading, rheumy eyes could barely make out the text on the age verification screen, and once we’d overcome that hurdle, it didn’t get much better. We found our collective self creeping round what appeared to be Joanna’s Dark-ened apartment. Naturally, our first instinct was to have a rummage through her underwear drawer, but the only things we could find were some guns and a sheriff’s badge belonging to one Jack Dark. That and a mysterious flashing, whirring mechanical device: what it may be used for, we absolutely refuse to speculate on.

All very clever and atmospheric, thankyou Rare. But you might have made the site a little lighter. The last time we had our squinting face pressed so hard up against the monitor was...well it was early this morning, at about 2AM actually, but that’s not the point. The point is that we’re serious journalists and we object deeply to such indignities.