Nintendo Attempts to Train Bush's Brain

Advance Wars luckily not on birthday giftlist

Posted by Staff
Nintendo Attempts to Train Bush's Brain
Warmongering lunatic and global terrorist overlord George W Bush turns sixty tomorrow, news that will bring a smile to the face of many a human as they collectively watch the clock and wait for the inevitable.

Nintendo, never shy of a plucky PR stunt, sent the US president a gift, a copy of Brain Age, a DS Lite and letter:

Dear President Bush:

Happy Birthday!

Don't worry, turning 60 is an exciting milestone. As you know, you've joined millions of other baby boomers in an invigorating new decade of your life. And, like many boomers, you may be looking for ways to keep your mind sharp. That's where we come in.

Please accept our gift of a new Nintendo DS Lite system and a copy of Brain Age: Train Your Brain in Minutes a Day. You now join millions of people around the world who have fun challenging themselves with Brain Age. If you have never played a video game before, don't worry. Brain Age is part of our new Touch Generations brand, which includes games that are easy for people of any age - regardless of their video game experience - to pick up and start playing immediately.

It's obvious you don't have a lot of time to play games, which makes Brain Age such a great activity for you - just a few minutes a day with more than 15 daily training tests will help keep your mind sharp. Training tests include categories like math, reading and memorization. Try it for a few days and watch your score improve. Brain Age also comes with more than 100 sudoku puzzles - these could make your next long flight on Air Force One a bit more fun! (Perhaps copies of Brain Age for journalists joining you on your next flight would be a nice distraction!)
Have fun exploring Brain Age with your Nintendo DS Lite and be sure to let us know your brain age!

Have a tremendous birthday!

Sincerely,

Your Friends at Nintendo



Of course, the package will unlikely make it unscathed through the 423 rounds of security checks in place to protect President Bush, though if it does, is developing his brain, officially the weakest of any American president to date, a good idea? Can you imagine if Brain Age and Advance War DS had been sent? A videogame Molotov cocktail if there ever was one.

As to whether this gift will have any sway in the upcoming showdown in the US Congress remains to be seen, though it's likely that making this gesture public has a lot to do with Nintendo being seen as the firm repositioning digital entertainment. The self-serving and often disingenuous Entertainment Software Association has been courting as many public figures as possible lately, with publisher-funded high-budget, low-profile jollies in California being noted by SPOnG.

If you're still wondering about Brain Age, you can catch SPOnG's review of this cracking title here.


Comments

daCuk 6 Jul 2006 19:32
1/17
That's what I call a futile effort...

Now, to please Bush, Ninty requires to create a civilian slaughtering game...
Jay 6 Jul 2006 23:32
2/17
OK, so we may as well use this as an opportunity to start a Radio 2-style "what games would that gibbering idiot most likely play on his new DS, should they be available for the DS" type game. I'll start the ball rolling:

Bomberman
Stupid Invaders
Doofus
Apocalyse: Arabia
Learn to Read
Conspiracy: Weapons of Mass Destruction (oh, the irony!)
The 9/11 Story

OK, so that last entry was UTTERLY MADE UP!

Anyway, knock yourselves out...
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Ditto 7 Jul 2006 08:14
3/17
Jay wrote:

Bomberman


LOL.

"How d'ya hold this 'fing?"
SPInGSPOnG 7 Jul 2006 09:34
4/17
Training Bushes Brain:

Sit, sit... SIT! Good boy!

Lay down... LAY DOWN.

Roll over. ROLL OVER.

Play Dead.

BE Dead. GOOD BOY!!!!
hollywooda 7 Jul 2006 10:39
5/17
Train Bushes brain!... what's the point that guys as thick as extra thick pig s**t sandwiched between two big thick planks of very thick wood!!....

hollywooda
config 7 Jul 2006 11:02
6/17
Ok, I'll bite.

First, the best I could come up with;

Power Monger
Warlord
Airstrike USA (ATF2 in Europe)

Now some lame-o ones;

Raid Over The River
Worms Open Warfare
Raid over Moscow
Raid on Bungeling Bay (perfect for a bungleing president)

Oh, and let's not forget Bastard
tyrion 7 Jul 2006 11:23
7/17
config wrote:
Oh, and let's not forget Bastard

How about a port of Bully?

(P)Resident Evil?
hollywooda 7 Jul 2006 11:27
8/17
i can just see that inbred red neck retard on his DS stroking doggies belly's & chuckling to himself.... ahhh bless.
Leviticus26 7 Jul 2006 12:07
9/17
Why can't you people find anything better to do than Slander Pres. Bush? Oh yeah, that's right! That's all that you Democrates are good for! Are you people anti-Christian as well? Why can't a Game News website just report the News without the agenda? Would that be so hard? President Bush is one of the Best Presidents we have ever had! Unlike Clinton, who commited Treason! Thank the great Lord above that we have a Republican is in the White House! Once a liberal gets in there, I look for the Rapture of the Church. Then you people can have the world.
Jay 7 Jul 2006 12:14
10/17
tyrion wrote:
(P)Resident Evil?

config wrote:
Airstrike USA


I LIKE!!!

Has anyone Dugg this thread yet?
Jay 7 Jul 2006 12:20
11/17
Leviticus26 wrote:
President Bush is one of the Best Presidents we have ever had! Unlike Clinton, who commited Treason! Thank the great Lord above that we have a Republican is in the White House!


Christ on a bike!!! You people actually exist!?!?!

The fact that you're allowed to vote frightens me...
YenRug 7 Jul 2006 12:31
12/17
Leviticus26 wrote:
Why can't you people find anything better to do than Slander Pres. Bush? Oh yeah, that's right! That's all that you Democrates are good for! Are you people anti-Christian as well? Why can't a Game News website just report the News without the agenda? Would that be so hard? President Bush is one of the Best Presidents we have ever had! Unlike Clinton, who commited Treason! Thank the great Lord above that we have a Republican is in the White House! Once a liberal gets in there, I look for the Rapture of the Church. Then you people can have the world.


Democrats? Republicans? Oh, I think you've mistaken us for a US based videogame site; also, you seem to think we give a s**t. I seem to recall the USA was established so that God and Country were separated, things like not teaching a state religion in schools, and the like. Try actually applying that to your politics some time, it might help you get on with the rest of the world. As for Clinton, he may have been a sex-obsessed liar, but I wasn't aware that was classed as treason; usually you have to carry out actions which threaten the security of your own country, to fall into that category.
TwoADay 7 Jul 2006 13:13
13/17
YenRug wrote:

Democrats? Republicans? Oh, I think you've mistaken us for a US based videogame site; also, you seem to think we give a s**t. I seem to recall the USA was established so that God and Country were separated, things like not teaching a state religion in schools, and the like. Try actually applying that to your politics some time, it might help you get on with the rest of the world. As for Clinton, he may have been a sex-obsessed liar, but I wasn't aware that was classed as treason; usually you have to carry out actions which threaten the security of your own country, to fall into that category.


I think (read, hope) that it was a joke account. Going to school with many members of the military has put me into much greater contact with the conservative side of the country, and I have never seen any opinion like that.

Calm down people.

That said, I think it hard to say that GW is the worst president the US has had. Bad? Yes, I would likely say that without hesitation, but with people like James Buchanan and Franklin Pierce, who failed to do anything to avert the American Civil War, saying that GW is the worst is a very large stretch.
hollywooda 7 Jul 2006 13:37
14/17
BUSH = C**T
Moschops 8 Jul 2006 00:51
15/17
How about ..... Duke Nukem
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