Features// SPOnG's Review of the Year 2010: April

Nintendo had a rather positive April, primarily because it was launching its beefy DSi XL handheld in Europe. We managed to get one of them and review its uses for the Greater Good™ - which is just as well really because it wasn’t that long ago that the regular DSi was released. So what was new here? Size, basically, and it’s not just good for grannies. Michael was able to really enjoy his game of Ouendan with the larger screen, and recommended it for people who don’t have a DS yet.

While the DSi XL was nice, what everyone really wanted to know more about was Nintendo’s 3DS system. Some photos were distributed around the internet that claimed to be of the new 3D-enabled device (Rumour: Leaked Nintendo 3DS Photos?, 7th April). It ended up being a craptastic fake, which is just as well really because it looked huge, unwieldy and more than a little bit shit.

Over in reality, Nintendo didn’t want people to forget that the DS still exists while all this 3DS tomfoolery was going on. Hence a new Pokemon announcement. Black and White promised to be a complete departure from the series’ tried-and-tested formula, with new monsters and a fresh take on the whole ‘catching ‘em all’ thing. A black fox called Zorua was revealed as one of the new creatures in the game. It’s a winning formula: make Pokemon, and people buy. Well played, Nintendo.

There was a new Alan Wake trailer too (New Alan Wake Trailer with added Jargon!, 7th April). Sorry, there wasn’t really any entertaining prose or context I could throw in to add to that. So watch the trailer again in the linked story, if you like.

If the recent Panorama report has still got you a bit narked, know that the BBC wasn’t the first to tackle the games addiction angle in the mainstream media this year. In April, ITV’s This Morning programme brought on a journalist who spoke about her son’s constant gamesplaying. He would often play up to 10 hours at a time, and “there was little she could do about it.” Of course. It’s very hard to parent in today’s society, isn’t it? Michael Fox wrote a decidedly biting response to the piece, and naturally it’s worth reading to the end.

In fact, we’ve written a lot of things that are worth reading to the end. April’s travel expenses went towards our playthrough of Red Dead Redemption’s multiplayer mode, a preview of Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode 1, a special feature on SBKX: Superbike World Championship and an exclusive interview with legendary developer Charles Cecil. As Cecil was promoting the new Doctor Who adventure game (which isn’t addictive, says the BBC), we also played a good chunk of it and reviewed the TV episode that was shown at the press event as well.

Other reviews include Splinter Cell: Conviction (“seriously hard to fault, unless you like really long and overly difficult games”), After Burner Climax (“all the hallmarks of the Sega we love, coupled with sublime gameplay mechanics”) and Iron Man 2 (“sloppy in too many ways… a mindless shooter with Iron Man in it”). We’ve also gone back in time to cover TMNT III: The Manhattan Project and kept Icelandic volcano sufferers happy with our Five Games To Avoid During the Volcano Crisis feature.

Tim’s Dead to Rights: Retribution review also stands as probably the most rock and roll piece we’ve done this year. 30%, and all he had to say in its defence was “some of the AI enemies are not annoying.”

[b][u]Finally…[/u][/b]

You couldn’t make this up (although, you actually could and she probably did. What’s up with that phrase, anyway?) - a woman turned into a nymphomaniac in April after she fell off of her Wii Balance Board.

As you would expect, the story was reported by the Daily Star, which writes that Amanda Flowers from Harpurhey suffered a damaged nerve that resulted in her needing 10 sex sessions a day to satisfy her cravings (Wii Fit Turns Woman Into Sex Addict, 15th April).

“It began as a twinge down below before surging through my body,” Amanda said before adding, “sometimes it built up into a trembling orgasm.” And we’ll leave it there before it all goes a bit Mills & Boon.