Work For SPOnG Full-Time - For Actual Money!

Here at SPOnG, we coined a phrase some five and a half years ago. This phrase was Rocket Monkey. The concept underpinning Rocket Monkey is this: some tasks require an individual who is smart enough to do a few important things... so they can't be a monkey. On the other hand, they don't require a rocket scientist. In this case, what's needed is a rocket monkey.

And today, loyal readers, SPOnG needs a Rocket Monkey. If your level of intelligence lands you somewhere between rocket scientist and simian tick-picker, we have a job for you. And we’ll pay you actual Earth currency for your toils too!

The good bits:

This will be a full-time role. You’ll be waking up in the morning and travelling to our offices. You will then sit down and write about games all day. You will also collate images, assets, artwork and suchlike from videogames through the ages which will be used to build the Internet Computer and Videogames Museum that is SPOnG.

You’ll have a focus on retro gaming and all things import. SPOnG has a pretty much complete catalogue of every single game released into the UK over the past five years on all formats. Have a look for yourself. You’ll be charged with working back through time, filling in Neo Geo, PC Engine, Sega Master System, Commodore Vic 20 titles, generating write-ups, grabbing screenshots, scanning packaging and artwork.

You become part of SPOnG's world-renowned editorial team and we’ll give you a desk with a chair (possibly made from cow skin) and a computer and a load of old videogame equipment to tinker around with.

You’ll get to see and play the latest games and systems before they launch, making you a king amongst the circle of Internet friends you have. There is also scope to become king of the contributors, handling reader contributions and submissions. But only if you’re up to the task.

You work in an office which has four girls in it, guaranteeing you daily interaction with the fairer sex. This in turn will make you a more rounded (and possibly cleaner) individual than you are today, leading to a life of married bliss and dog-walking within a matter of years!

We’re offering you the chance to start a career in the games industry, build a business unit and make something of yourself. As your mum says, her house isn’t a hotel and you do need to move out eventually.

You’ll be higher in the foodchain than Chris, the bloke who fixes our computers.

The bad bits:

We’re not going to pay you very much. As mentioned, the job is full-time, so if you take minimum wage, then add a bit to it, that’s what you’ll be getting. Of course, all employees will undergo regular appraisals and salary reviews, at which we’ll find convoluted reasons why we’re not going to give you more money. You can dream of course. And in truth, we have been know to increase salaries dependant on business. It’s what you make of it.

The role is based in SPOnG’s head office in Wakefield. Wakefield isn’t as bad as it sounds. It has some lovely buildings - there's even a cathedral, and on occasion, the police beat passers by for no obvious reason. It has a smattering of trendy bars in which you can get into fights, and a vibrant student population providing the chance to meet a girl who failed to get into a proper university but might be well off enough to run her own car.

You’ll be subjected to some of the most tedious office banter ever, often involving six year-old arguments about the true meaning of irony, or whether one thing is better than another extremely similar thing. It’s awful, and you’ll find your contributions unwelcome. Earphones are advised.

And that’s about it really. If you can write, work in a structured manner, are punctual and dedicated, please get in touch. We urgently need help in all these departments.

If you’d like to apply for the job, send us an email with CV, covering letter and something that proves you’re human too.