Features// The New Video Game Chickism

GAME NAME: Sunken Femmes Shock:
GAME TYPE: Shoot-em-up/Puzzler.
CHARACTER NAME: Jo Jetstream:

Daughter of the Last King of Hollywood, she spends her days cruising the ruins of Beverly Hills, drinking in the Bleak Coffee Shop of the Soul. Loved by men and women alike, so fit she carries a chihuahua, she still looks to the ocean and believes there must be something more.

One day, she starts walking into the sea and just... never stops. All they found was a torn D&G dress and the sun-bleached remains of her diamond-encrusted clutch bag.

But nothing prepared her for what she found...

Living among the Sunken Femmes, she scours the ocean floor, searching for treasure and secrets. Who is her strange, puppet-like mother? What's with the guy in the orange chainmail on the seahorse who keeps following her around? Gliding along deep, ancient trenches, why does she only wear a bikini with the words, 'Kiss this, asshole' scrawled across her perfectly-formed behind?

Blending four-dimensional shoot 'em up action with intricate puzzle solving, Jo is the swimming man's answer to Lara.

PLAYED BY: Jessica Alba. We've seen her in a bikini before. If it looks like it works and, if it feels like it works, then it works.


GAME NAME: Alter Earth: Fall of Heroes:
GAME TYPE: Spacecraft Racing/FPS. (PC only).
CHARACTER NAME: Rocket Rae.

All she ever wanted to do was fly, so that's what she went and did. With all the other Space Heroes grounded by a world that no longer wants to dream, she might just be our last hope.

When Alter Earth is discovered hidden on the far side of the sun, she takes her marvellous zero point rocket, The Fury, to see what weirdness waits on the Earth that is not Earth. What she finds is a world that was once inhabited by beautiful alien princes and lizards that glide on wings of leather. But that was a long time ago... Now it's a world diseased by its own isolationism, inbred and ugly. With half the planet ravaged by a three hundred year war, the survivors need living space. They need somewhere to rebuild their broken population. They need Earth.

Donning her rocket pack and reaching for her brilliant flash pistols, she races across Alter Earth to uncover the mystery surrounding its link to the fall of the Space Heroes and looking for a way to stop its warped populace before they doom our world.

She'll enter any firefight with both guns blazing, near-suicidal daring and a smile on her face. Her leather flight suit keeps out the cold as she blasts through the sky at extreme velocities, but that doesn't mean there's no room for a little cleavage.

PLAYED BY: Eva Mendes. It's all about the bust.

GAME NAME: White Dwarf Huntress:
GAME TYPE: Surgery Simulation/Puzzle/Shooter. (Nintendo DS).
CHARACTER NAME: Doctor Bobbi. She's smarter than you.

Doctor Bobbi is a world-renowned micro-surgeon. She hunts for clues by traversing the alien landscape of the human body. Using the miracle science of White Dwarf Exploration, which she pioneered at the age of 16, she enters the bodies of victims of crime, determining how a victim was hurt and hunting down the nastiness that you can only see when you look really, really closely.

Marvel as she identifies exotic poisons! Thrill as she searches injuries for clues! But who is the diabolical genius who has been infecting his victims with nano technology? What is the hidden, violent nature of the Micro Killer who's been killing his victims from the inside out? And, more importantly, will Zack Fox, the handsome nurse with the impeccable bedside manner, ever notice her?

PLAYED BY: Freida Pinto. Star of Slumdog Millionaire. Look at the picture. 'Nuff said.


If you have any suggestions on how the games industry should fill Lara's sizeable boots, let us know (with pictures) in the Forum.


^{Images via wallpapers.dpics.org, Photo 111, freidapinto.com}