Features// Pocket Plays GTA IV Multi-Player

The Rockstars are keeping a lot in reserve for the fans, especially the completely new downloadable 360 packs available later. They don’t want those ruining for fans who’ve read absolutely everything related to the game pre-launch. So, I won't tell.

It does seems like Rockstar has really been thinking about the fans the whole way through development. To this end, I've seen some amazing little touches to the game like the mobile calls and texts to other team mates and, to set up online and multi-player gaming, the use of Internet cafés - and don't forget the different levels of servicing available from hookers. I am still regretting not asking for a quick look there. Better to regret something you have done than something you haven’t (and by the way, tell your Mom I said “SATAN”).

More news... in a moment of wonderful Wonkerishness, there will be unique prizes for the first ten single-player completions of the whole game given out and names will be kept for eternal glory on the online ratings system.

So, I'm smoking a smoke and it’s the most beautiful day of the year so far. Sunshine beats down from a blue sky and just a hint of fresh spring air is added to the warmth. Even though it’s London, it’s a street lined with green-leaved trees and bright, white pavements. And I see a DeLorean. But all this can’t stop me for long.

Back into the darkened, leather-scented room and grabbing another I-can-I-can’t from the fridge, it’s time for a new factor to be added to the Mafiya game: police. I'm told about the radar zones; blue and red flashes to indicate the zone the fuzz are looking for you in once your evil deeds have been observed, fading into grey if they can’t see you and then remaining for a few seconds until ‘the heat is off’ (get me, all gangsta an’ that!).

I manage to sneak a third place rank through sheer bloody-minded killing. This was despite not completing any challenges, as every time the police stop looking for me I feel an overpowering urge to attack someone and then have to spend the next few minutes either running away or being blocked in by police cars and shooting my way out.

Next I'm on for a little GTA Racing. Like the Deathmatches, you can decide on a starting vehicle for everyone, leave it to chance, or pick out one of your own choice. Weaponry and police are also other options, but we start, keeping it simple, with SUVs and no starting weapons, only picking up one weapon – got by driving through it. The two-door car race - in which I select a Ruiner because I haven’t had sex for a few hours so my mind’s starting to wander - is, typically, ruined; then we’re all on to motorbikes and sniggeringly agree to have a Faggio race, attempting to find the campest colour to go with it.

As I zip around the course I'm given regular checkpoints indicating the way to go. This for me is a relief as I find it almost impossible to navigate my way by map whilst driving at ridiculous speeds – unlike real life, I feel indebted by the feminist within me to point out. The races are ludicrous, particularly in the airport where we lose our vehicles and, lacking anything else, have to continue the race on those little two-seater baggage carriers that are barely faster than walking.

In fact I seem to spend most races running (quite slowly in the case of my female character) endeavouring to find another vehicle after a competitor (or I) total my first option. Because of the new real-time hotwiring system it takes a little longer than before to get a new car, sometimes stalling. Sadly I find myself, on more than one occasion, lapped and then shunted from behind as I attempt to get in my stolen sexy truck or coupé. And I thought Petrovich was sexually frustrated!