Reviews// The Club

Posted 6 Feb 2008 11:08 by
Companies:
Games: The Club
Mindless violence and video games, they go together like love and marriage apparently did in the days when Frank Sinatra was singing about such things. Unfortunately, video games are predominantly played by adolescent and post-adolescent males. Due to an over-abundance of testosterone and an under-abundance of impulse control, this demographic already has a predisposition for mindless violence.

As a result, certain observers have suggested that video games should contain less violence, if you doubt me, search SPOnG for "Jack Thompson". Now, some people think that video games without the violence is like... like what? I would say coffee without the caffeine, but some of you sick puppies actually drink that for fun; or it could be likened to sex without the penis, but I have no wish to alienate our lesbian readership so, while I struggle for a simile, you get my drift.

I SO hope we have a lesbian readership.

So, in an attempt to retain all that makes video games good and holy, and simultaneously keep the religious nut-jobs at bay, developers and publishers have come up with a series of spurious pretexts to make the violence seem harmless. These include, but are not limited to, making the characters appear cartoonish, setting the game in a post-apocalyptic dystopia, or making the enemies (and subjects upon whom said mindless violence is visited) into hideous alien creatures; forgetting, of course, that hideous (to our eyes) alien creatures have mothers and tiny cute hideous alien pupae too.

Of course, many of these pretexts are becoming over-used now. Developers are now having to look for new and more exciting pretexts on which to hang their cookie-cutter, third-person shooter games. For this reason, Bizarre Creations has come up with "The Club", a game which combines the tired conventions of first-person shooters with the combo-linking gameplay of... oh, let's say Tony Hawk's.

The pretext for The Club is that you are a member of some sort of club, the members of which compare their figurative penis lengths by how good they are at shooting people in the head with a range of weapons. OK, member is possibly the wrong way to describe your relationship with the shady organisation that is The Club.

The actual members are "Drug lords. Dotcom billionaires. International arms dealers. Dictators. Media Tycoons. Hollywood superstars. Third World warlords. Aristocrats and royalty." That's a direct quote from the Bizarre creations website, so ignore the interesting capitalisation, it's probably bizarre on purpose.

Now, earlier I described people who drink decaf lattés as sick puppies. But the members of the club are far, far sicker… by far. Their idea of fun is putting a man in a room full of guns and other men (with guns), and making each of them kill to save their own lives. You've probably seen many, many films that use a similar premise. You play one of these men.
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Companies:
Games: The Club

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Comments

Absinthe-Review.net 8 Feb 2008 21:27
1/11
Great review, with the exception of the the usual ultra-bias against Christians, of course...

Shame this isn't getting much attention in the states. It was getting some real attention when it was announced and the first previews were coming out but it's sort of died down to a simmer since...
DoctorDee 11 Feb 2008 15:31
2/11
The Absinthe Review Network wrote:
Great review, with the exception of the the usual ultra-bias against Christians, of course...

The review was only biased against one specific person - Jack Thompson!

Otherwise, it said "keep the religious nut-jobs at bay". There was no implication that I meant Christians specifically.
Indeed I am not biased against Christians specifically. Anyone who believes that magical invisible people tell them what to do and that this gives them the right to kill people who do not suffer the same delusions as them scare me.

Shame this isn't getting much attention in the states. It was getting some real attention when it was announced and the first previews were coming out but it's sort of died down to a simmer since...

I'm surprised. I thought it was going to stir up a hornets nest. But it seems to be slipping under the radar.


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Absinthe-Review.net 12 Feb 2008 19:59
3/11
DoctorDee wrote:
The Absinthe Review Network wrote:
Great review, with the exception of the the usual ultra-bias against Christians, of course...

The review was only biased against one specific person - Jack Thompson!

Otherwise, it said "keep the religious nut-jobs at bay". There was no implication that I meant Christians specifically.
Indeed I am not biased against Christians specifically. Anyone who believes that magical invisible people tell them what to do and that this gives them the right to kill people who do not suffer the same delusions as them scare me.

Shame this isn't getting much attention in the states. It was getting some real attention when it was announced and the first previews were coming out but it's sort of died down to a simmer since...

I'm surprised. I thought it was going to stir up a hornets nest. But it seems to be slipping under the radar.




I think the problem was a lack of advertising and not releasing a steady flow of info to keep gamers engaged. I don't know...perhaps they are playing it safe by promoting the surefire moneymakers like Sonic iPod, movie tie-ins, and Wiitastic ports, but I swear I saw more ads for Wii Sega Bass Fishing than The Club if that is any indication...

I'm still not retracting my accusation of anti-Christian bias, though. I've been a reader since my senior year of high school (currently age 23), which is more than enough time to formulate an informed opinion. Admittedly, I'm sure the entire staff don't share universal views, but it I have no doubt at least a single staff member holds this point of view. Don't get me wrong, I'm not holding a grudge or have decided to boycott Spong, but with all the evidence to support my theories of your biases, my views will likely never change...
arthur_storey 13 Feb 2008 09:39
4/11
This is not a game i would ever think about buying but this review made me laugh out loud two or three times. Much better reading than most revews recently here. I like the use of repetition, it's funny.

I like the use of repetition, it's funny.
Absinthe-Review.net 13 Feb 2008 13:28
5/11
Arthur Storey wrote:
This is not a game i would ever think about buying but this review made me laugh out loud two or three times. Much better reading than most revews recently here. I like the use of repetition, it's funny.

I like the use of repetition, it's funny.


Nice.
DoctorDee 13 Feb 2008 13:31
6/11
The Absinthe Review Network wrote:
I'm still not retracting my accusation of anti-Christian bias, though.

I'm not asking you to. And I'm certainly not claiming there is no anti-Christian bias here at SPOnG. But I just don't think this review was an example of it. It was anti-censorship which by implication means it was anti Jack Thompson. And JT is a Christian.

But as much as we are anti-Christian biased, we are biased against all religions that preach tolerance but practise intolerance, that preach meekness but seek power, that tell people how to lead their lives, that refuse to lay their neck on the line and criticise bad government (how did EVERY major Christian leader stand idly by and let George W Bush claim to have a mandate from God for the illegal war in Iraq?). We are anti corporate monopoly, anti government corruption, and we are anti globalisation as a cover for exploitation.


RiseFromYourGrave 13 Feb 2008 20:57
7/11
makes me proud to be a reader, so it does. i think religion is disgusting too. long live richard dawkins

oh and i might check this out, sounds like a nice slice of fun
PreciousRoi 31 Mar 2008 08:37
8/11
Soo...the plot is exactly like Manhunt, except no one is filming it, you're killing a higher class of scum, they let you have a gun, and its actually a good game?

Just to go on record, the obscure splinter sect of Pastafarianism (centered aound the message of the Prophet Sean, and his Revalation that splitscreen videogames are abhorrent in the sight of the FSM...see, screenlooking is a sin, and since splitsceen games tempt the faithful to sinfulness they are an abomination.) I belong to does not preach meekness, and we honor the commandments to slay the infidels mostly in the breach, or if we think we can get away with it...oh, yeah, Jesuits, those are worth bonus points, especially if you make them walk the plank...

I also heard it wasn't God, it was the International Banking Conspiracy...I actually might believe that.
DoctorDee 31 Mar 2008 09:00
9/11
PreciousRoi wrote:
Soo...the plot is exactly like Manhunt

Except there's not real hunting. Men keep jumping out at you, and you shoot them. It's more like that old game "Carnival". The game keep lining them up, you keep knocking them down. And there's all the chaining bonuses malarky too.

It is fun. In a dumb, keep on blasting way. If stealthing bores you, and headshots turn you on. And if you think shooting things is cool and hard, this is the game for you.

It's morally repugnant, but in a fun way.


PreciousRoi 31 Mar 2008 09:16
10/11
DoctorDee wrote:

It's morally repugnant, but in a fun way.


That'd be the way I would like my eventual theological dictatorship of North America to be remembered...by the Christians at least...run America like the Mob ran Vegas...I'd clone Don Rickles to be my Ambassadors Plenipotentary.
PreciousRoi 31 Mar 2008 10:25
11/11
Oops, just looking over the newest additions to Spong...I see what appears to be videogame glorifying all things Conquistador, behind a very thin veil.

May have to recalibrate the moral repugnancy scale...looks like the "New World" may be populated by subhuman monsters who want civilizing...

Hell with it, I'm going to issue a fett-wa.

Let it be known to all true believers that the game Sword of the New World:Granado Espada is taboo, and all those associated with its production, distribution, and promotion shall be barred from the Stripper Factories, and all but the American Beer Volcanoes. This holy edict shall remain in effect until and unless Niel Young is invited to perform "Cortez the Killer" in front of the Spanish Legislature.

Ra-men.

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