Features// Girl Gamer Falls Out of Love With A Hero

“So, guys, I know we’ve had some bad blood, but I thought we’d just pop in and wish you well for the release of Guitar Hero III, say ‘Hi’, make sure you’re all getting on well since that falling out we had a while back.”

“Oh. Yeah. Nice to see you guys.”

“So…what’ve you been up to?”

“Well, we made the guitar black this time.”

“Really? Wow!”

“Er, yeah. It’s wireless too.”

“Like every other controller’s been since last century? That’s…thoughtful of you.”

“Er. Yeah.”

“Right. Good job.”

My previous article was a huge, rambling and largely undefined rant about the wonder of Rock Band and my new aspirations as a Slash-esque star of decadence in the making. I was ready to take the next step: buy a tour bus and practice singing on a precarious angle on its bonnet.

This article, to get some training for the release of Rock Band on the 360 next year, I ended up buying Guitar Hero III. It felt like a bit of a flimsy pretext at the time. Even without Rock Band I would have been buying it - and I think I’m pretty safe in my presumption that I won’t be ousted as bass-drum-pedal-pusher all the time even if I don’t practice. I was prepared to love GHIII as much, if not more than GHII. Why not?

But… a big but… several big buts in fact – and I don’t like big buts whatever early rappers^± may have to say on the subject - in an effort not to just vomit out a bitch-fest on the subject I tried to be logical; making a list of my complaints, ranging from the seemingly insignificant name-entering adjustment (which should have been picked up by the first tester) to the surprisingly massive downfall of the weak choices in characters and stuff to spend money on.


^{±Sir Mixalot’s 1992 Baby Got Back is not really ‘early’ rap is it? I mean not if you consider that the Sugar Hill Gang’s Rapper’s Delight went gold in 1979 – and that’s if you overlook The Last Poets’ Right On! (OST) aka Poetry Is Black… Ancient Ed.}