Features// Girl Gamer Goes With The flOw

Perhaps this is a gender issue. I can imagine that, as a bloke, feeling like a giant of rock...

Posted 5 Jun 2007 10:59 by
Heavy irony is this year's black or brown, meh.
Heavy irony is this year's black or brown, meh.
Week off. Mmmm. Lovely. Good friends, touch of Slayer, bit of Resistance (though not the French kind - ?Do I know you monsieur??), Motor Storm, too many bottles of Disaronno? and some guppy love.

My body is a network of multi-coloured, spectacular and often mysterious bruises, though I can say with some confidence that the ones on my hip bones came from doing ?the worm? rather too enthusiastically on a pub floor - or maybe on the tube platform - one of those times, anyway.

As is the way with heavy party sessions Guitar Hero II quickly came to the fore, becoming the focus of most game time. This was particularly interesting for me as it was the first time I?ve had the opportunity to play the 360 version and compare it with the PS2?s. The 360 version has 10 extra songs, generally well chosen and coming as a refreshing change from the standard PS2 ones. The crispness of the graphics is lovely to behold if, dare I say, slightly unnecessary in a rhythm action game like this.

Guitar Hero makes blokes look so... cool?
Guitar Hero makes blokes look so... cool?
The major difference is, obviously, the guitar itself. I?m in a quandary about this matter. The flash shape and more sophisticated colour are appealing, though they make me feel as if I should be wearing far more spandex and hairspray. I just can?t reconcile myself to the size of it (insert ?girls obsessed with size? joke here). There?s something reassuring about the size and weight of the PS2 controller, more like a real guitar and less like I?m in a Lilliputian reality, striding across the country with my axe, rocking out to the little people, perhaps in order to entice the rain into falling with the sound waves produced by my awesome instrument. Perhaps this is a gender issue. I can imagine that, as a bloke, feeling like a giant of rock, strutting, legs spread over the plebeians below, must be quite empowering. I?d just be worried that they could see up my skirt.

However, that thinner neck is a godsend for my tiny, girlish hands, encouraging me to try more difficult songs, and on Hard rather than my usual cack-handed Medium. It also seems much easier to deploy Star Power ? even without dropping one?s pants.

On a fractionally more up to date note, I was introduced to the best comedown game ever. flOw is a superlative-inducing, ethereal, tranquil masterpiece of simplicity and understatement. Dreamy music and a sense of the infinite surround your prehistoric circle fish as it dives, swoops and munches through the levels with a relaxed Wii-esque control; like the prodigy of Pacman and Geometry Wars who?s been up doing Diazepam and Ketamine for four days. Cue a series of appreciative ?Oohs?, ?aahs? and slurred directions to ?Get the thing, the? the big thing? bite it!? At a Zen inducing 3 it?s a game that?ll keep all your more stoner friends happy for hours and will keep you mellow no matter what the world throws at you.

On the other hand, you may need a quick session of Stampa med Leroy (see the video below) to counteract the effects if you need to drive or operate heavy machinery.

Ping pong.

Laundry.

Chernobyl!



? Italian liqueur flavored with herbs and fruits soaked in apricot kernel oil.

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Comments

Showing the 20 most recent comments. Read all 31.
Jay 6 Jun 2007 15:53
12/31
config wrote:
I'm cannot make my mind up if she's hot or not...


Marks out of ten, I would give her one.
Bob Fossil 6 Jun 2007 16:50
13/31
She is a girl who plays games and - going from this latest feature - seems to have a wickedly naughty sense of humour, a cheeky smile and an appreciation of the finer things in life such as hardcore games, even-more-hardcore drugs and drunkenly misbehaving on public transport.

SO OF COURSE SHE IS F**KING HOT!!

(Pocket, apologies for objectifying you here as the proverbial cat's mother, but that particular argument just needed putting to bed... Can I come to your house to play games, get drunk and take drugs now?)
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LUPOS 6 Jun 2007 16:51
14/31
Jay wrote:
Marks out of ten, I would give her one.


Tough crowd. Which reminds me, I should thank god for finally canceling that show. Collin Quinn is the least funny person on the face of the earth.... How's that for a derail?
_______
config 6 Jun 2007 17:05
15/31
LUPOS wrote:
Jay wrote:
Marks out of ten, I would give her one.


Tough crowd. Which reminds me, I should thank god for finally canceling that show. Collin Quinn is the least funny person on the face of the earth.... How's that for a derail?
_______

That went right over your head, no doubt because you're not British.

In the UK "give her one" is a euphemism for "shag heartily and with great vigor"

LUPOS 6 Jun 2007 17:21
16/31
config wrote:
That went right over your head, no doubt because you're not British.

In the UK "give her one" is a euphemism for "shag heartily and with great vigor"



Curse my geographical disadvantages!! You brits and your intellectual humor...

I actually assumed he was just joking either way, but didn't take to be more the standard playground wise-assery.

Like saying "your ugly and all girls have cooties" when you really think she is quite "fit". Thank you Sirius radio1 ;)
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hollywooda 6 Jun 2007 17:21
17/31
I think we can safely say we'd all give her some Steve Davis Action, (pot the pink & screw back for the brown) hahaha,,,,,, oww man i really shouldn't get on forums when i've had a brew or two!....... (:-s)
zoydwheeler 6 Jun 2007 18:09
18/31
hollywooda wrote:
I think we can safely say we'd all give her some Steve Davis Action, (pot the pink & screw back for the brown) hahaha,,,,,, oww man i really shouldn't get on forums when i've had a brew or two!....... (:-s)


There's always one drunken fool that spoils everybody's fun by TAKING IT A BIT TOO FAR.

Usually me, I have to admit, but this time hollywooda takes the crown.
Joji 6 Jun 2007 19:12
19/31
Jay n Holly, I agree you guys are taking the comedy cake, good stuff.

And yes Pocket sets off rockets, you are cute, but I don' t want to get all annoying focusing on that aspect of you.
Tim Smith 6 Jun 2007 22:21
20/31
hollywooda wrote:
I think we can safely say we'd all give her some Steve Davis Action, (pot the pink & screw back for the brown) hahaha,,,,,, oww man i really shouldn't get on forums when i've had a brew or two!....... (:-s)


She writes brilliantly,

Cheers

Tim


hollywooda 7 Jun 2007 08:50
21/31
OOppsss.... (hanging sore head in shame), I got all excited about the England game last night & got on the old cooking sherry abit too early, sorry for my comments & hope my hang over today @ work is enough of a penalty..... now off to my other forums to apologies for my drunken behavior......
Drliamski 7 Jun 2007 09:43
22/31
I am glad you found the subtitled version,
it makes so much more laughter,
You shoulda been down the park on Sat, the dancing classes were being held in the sunshine.
L
Tim Smith 7 Jun 2007 09:48
23/31
Drliamski wrote:
I am glad you found the subtitled version,
it makes so much more laughter,
You shoulda been down the park on Sat, the dancing classes were being held in the sunshine.
L


Ok, this is either (a) Strange spam or (b) Alan Ginsberg and Bryon Gysin are in the house with their cutting things up and pasting them down stuff.
config 7 Jun 2007 09:55
24/31
Must be one of Ms Frenzy's groupies referring to the Stampa med Leroy video (parody?)
Tim Smith 7 Jun 2007 10:06
25/31
config wrote:
Must be one of Ms Frenzy's groupies referring to the Stampa med Leroy video (parody?)


I prefer to think of it as beautiful beat poetry with the peyote and the yage and the William Burroughs standing in the background ripping off the ideas....

But yes, I missed the point of that one totally...
pocket frenzy 8 Jun 2007 07:02
26/31
Bob Fossil wrote:

(Pocket, apologies for objectifying you here as the proverbial cat's mother, but that particular argument just needed putting to bed... Can I come to your house to play games, get drunk and take drugs now?)


Your name is Bob Fossil. Your name's on the bouncer's list.

Yay for Liam! Gutted I missed the park revelry (sp?), but there will be opportunity next weekend I'm sure.
sue_raas 8 Jun 2007 15:09
27/31

It's nice to see a girl
sue_raas 8 Jun 2007 15:11
28/31

Oops, hit my button b4 i'd completed my last post
RiseFromYourGrave 8 Jun 2007 18:12
29/31
Is ElectroPlankton any good
LUPOS 8 Jun 2007 18:27
30/31
RiseFromYourGrave wrote:
Is ElectroPlankton any good


It's awesome... just not a game. It the sort of thing that would normal exists only in a science museum... in the children's section... during a special event on sound. Lots of fun, sounds nice, but you'll most likely be bored with it in a day or two.

A bit of chemical enhancement and some nice headphones might make it more interesting. Not ever been quite that bored myself :/
_____________
RiseFromYourGrave 8 Jun 2007 22:29
31/31
thats kind of the amount of fun i imagine i would have with it if i was to buy it, a couple of days of interesting sound doodles then relegation! to the back of the collection

if i can find a copy for 15 quid i'll pick it up

to brag: i have 20 DS games ;)
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