Snoop Dogg in Most Cynical and Depressing Game Cash-in Ever

Further unrequired proof of brand madness

Posted by Staff
Snoop Dogg in Most Cynical and Depressing Game Cash-in Ever
In news that is so achingly 'lifestyle' as to be utterly nauseating, Snoop Dogg has sold his soul to launch the Hip-Hop Gaming League sponsored by Xbox Live and Sprite, showing that the games industry can still shock when it comes to cocaine-fuelled marketing idiots making decisions to greenlight projects of epic pointlessness.

The event has been commemorated by a shocking staged press conference (at which the games press is portrayed as good looking professional adults – a classic error) at which Snoop outlines his latest way, replacing his dabblings in exploitative hardcore pornography, of funding planned further purchases of golden bathtubs to show off on MTV Cribs.

“The Dogg has called you here for a special announcement, one that could change the face of sports and vidoegaming forever!” Snoop explains to a large room of actors.

“So the rumours are true?” asks a good looking black woman in her mid-thirties, representing the least-likely videogame journalist ever. “You are here to initiate something revolutionary in the videogaming world?”

Crying yet?

“I'm an initiator, you dig?” continues Mr Dogg. “I've been hosting smaller circuit events consistently over the past six years in da hood with my entertainer peers or whatnot. But now we're doing it over this Xbox 360 and it's a whole new ballgame.” Wow! We didn't realise that a famous rapper had been organising game competitions in da hood! We don't know about you, but here at SPOnG we feel a new pride in playing videogames all the time. There was society asserting that locking yourself away for hours on end playing online games was for losers, when it turns out cool people with real guns and biatches have special organised competitions with each other. In your face, society!

“Baby girl, look,” says Snoop “Da Commissioner” Dogg to the next question, an equally tepid, sycophantic and bland question. “When me and my crew play games on Xbox like basketball, baseball, football, soccer, so on and so forth, but now we gonna take it to the next level which is where it should be at which is professional, international and universal. We gonna take this thing here straight over the stratosphere, baby.” Perhaps the reporter should think herself lucky that she was only subject to mild sexism and not being sodomised by three men while he films it.

See the forum for this news piece if you want to see the entire pretend press conference here and wonder just how girly and jealous hip-hop's elite have become.

We can picture Snoop on a conference call to an army of agents and publicists, demanding that they capture the zeitgeist and bottle it for him. “Fiddy Cent has a whole videogame! I need another golden bathroom, like, yesterday! I got MTV Cribs coming next week.”


TigerUppercut 22 Feb 2006 03:56
You'll need to copy


into your media player's URL feed. In WPM: File > Open URL.

Then cry.
miacid 22 Feb 2006 08:40
It's the way the guy has to read xBox 360 from his clipboard as he asks which celeb's will be playing on it, classic.

I think we've hit a new all time low!
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Falien 22 Feb 2006 08:46
I can only quote The Ramones here: "I wanna be sedated"...

For even more tears, head on (if you can stomach it) to their web page and be sure to read this article... Hip hop and videogames are "two rejected art forms"... now I fully understand how the utter rubbish that is hip-hop today can be (and is) rejected, but to put videogames in the same sentence? Let me put it this way: the crappiest game ever made (whatever that might be) has about 45 times more art in it than anything being produced by Mr. "Dee-Oh-Double-Gee"...

Why do I smell EA's stink somewhere?
ben1210 22 Feb 2006 10:45
how embarassing....

just shows you how unfashionable the whole gangster rap thing has become over the last year or two

I blame GTA
Bitterman 22 Feb 2006 11:44
Unfashionable? You think so?

Did you notice how ridiculously many copies of 50 Cent: Bulletproof got sold, despite the game receiving universally poor reviews?

Things like this keep happening while people keep falling for it and spending their money. The public are idiots.
ben1210 22 Feb 2006 12:09
well eminem seems to have made a wise move by quiting before it fizzles out, the way forward for hip-hop is to shed the morally repugnant, gun loving, gang banging attitude fiddy and snoop so desperately want to hang onto.
I mean, how long can they all moan on about 'tough life' in da hood whilst on the flipside be showing off their million dollar mansions and huge car collections on mtv cribs- it does'nt make sense.
Note the arrival of more positive artists such as kanye west- he makes it all that s**t look a bit silly.
No doubt bulletproof sold loads but i put that down to the millions of once poor- now financially empowered working class drongos that are obssessed with mindless cruelty and violence
majin dboy 22 Feb 2006 13:13
the adversiment is many banners,posters,radio broadcasts etc etc do we see and hear each day,experts belive its about how many of these do we pay attention to?ans:very little. my point is,although its unbeliabley cheesey and u just wana smack snoop D O double G.this advert has us talking about it and most likely remembering the website name.
schnide 22 Feb 2006 13:34
Please, can everyone just send this like to anyone you know who likes that man. Every small contribution we make to diminishing the culture around this ridiculous subgenre of music, helps!

I don't know how anyone could think that being involved in a video like that would retain an ounce of credibility.
horngreen 22 Feb 2006 16:57
Ugh those kind of slimy "ads" make me want to sell my Xbox and act like I've never even heard of LIVE. That is just what LIVE needs, more word slurring, 40 ounce drinking gansta wannabees talking into my ear. You could tell Snoop was uncomfortable including soccer in with Basketball and football but I'm sure the wad of cash they gave him made it worth it. Well Snoop, you could not have been as uncomfortable as I was having to watch that cheesy crap.
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