John Romero to make the Internet his bitch

Renowned promiser promises promising game

Posted by Staff
Is it the hair, the shirt or the expression? So much material. So little time...
Is it the hair, the shirt or the expression? So much material. So little time...
John “The Claimer” Romero is seemingly planning to make the entire Internet his bitch, according to reports cropping up overnight. The man famed for making massive promises and spectacularly failing to deliver them has a new top secret project. So secret in fact, the company can't even be named. Neither can the project, or anything about it. That's how secret and amazing John Romero's secret amazing thing is.

“I can't really say too much... this is [a] complete secret, stealth company", he told PC Zone. "This is not a typical games company and we're not making typical games.” As to whether this non-typical game is a revolutionary leap forward, destined to change the very nature of gaming forever is yet to be seen.

As you'll be aware, almost everyone in the whole games industry hates John Romero. SPOnG has met him several times and aside from the ecstasy girlfriend theft attempt we're too big to talk about now for fear of getting sued, he seemed average. We can't imagine why he couldn't get on at id, Ion Storm or Midway. Well, we assume that Midway was somewhat disappointed with Gauntlet Seven Sorrows. Can't imagine why.

Anyway, too important and bitch-making to go to the Job Centre, Romero describes his career progression after Midway. You actually couldn't make this up. “I started looking at what I was going to do next,” explained one of the highest-profile developers ever. “So I looked around on the net and I saw there was an opportunity for an MMO, there was a person starting an MMO so I contacted him.”

And it gets better. Offering an insight into his possible desperate loneliness, Romero explains how he bonded with his new colleague (singular). “We talked for hours on the phone, we had a lot of common interests and ideas...” Should we buy a hat? “...and so basically this guy was really excited, brought me on as a co-founder of the company and I've been here for almost four months now.”

Romero also stated that Daikatana, erm, we mean his new game, will be “...very different from any other MMO for some special reasons...” and will cost more money than any other game he's ever been involved with. Again.

More creepy deja vu cyclic games news as it happens. Let us know why you hate John Romero and his rubbish games in the forum below.

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Comments

ghostinfo 3 Feb 2006 13:15
1/6
is that stack of coke cans behind John what makes him so paranoid about his project?
TwoADay 3 Feb 2006 15:14
2/6
Since he really wants to be considered the "rock-star" of game development, he has been reading around the internet for what they do.

Apparently, he doesn't understand that the real rockers are having mountains of a different type of Coke.

But seriously. I see this "mystery partner" as an 18 year old kid who was talking in a forum, maybe match.com or something like that, and they found that they were soul mates...it is nearly Valentine's Day.
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LUPOS 3 Feb 2006 15:25
3/6
i hate john romero cause whenever i see his name i always thinks its an article about the night of the livign dead guy... who ironicly... has a pretty shoddy track record as well... did anyone see that game he made.... OMG.... so bad... maybe we shouldn't alow anyone witht that last name to reporduce.... make the world a better place.

_____
Robin Jubber 3 Feb 2006 15:29
4/6
You guys are just whinging bitch whores - personally I'm looking forward to Drawing Lots Of Triangles Really Fast : The Game. If its even half as good as Daikatana ... well it won't be very good. There are only two kinds of MMO - the ones with lasers and the ones with elves. I'm counting on this mad Mona Lisa wannabe to make the first game with lasers *and* elves. Magical Space Goblins : The Deadening - pushing the boundaries of gaming sideways and down a little.
TigerUppercut 3 Feb 2006 19:03
5/6
Robin Jubber wrote:
There are only two kinds of MMO - the ones with lasers and the ones with elves.

That's beautiful.
And the game, when announced, has got to be worth a giggle.
Rod Todd 4 Feb 2006 12:27
6/6
Robin Jubber wrote:
Magical Space Goblins : The Deadening - pushing the boundaries of gaming sideways and down a little.


If you pile up all the great games John (or Alfonso, as his parents preferred to call him) Romero has been involved with in a pile, you'd be left with a big pile of Doom.

However, if you were to pile up one copy of all the s**t games he's been involved with, you'd have a small pile of very average games. If you stood on it, the boxes would crumple, and you still would not be able to reach that relatively low shelf.
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