Who told me I had to be thin like Britney Spears?
Look - before you go any further in this sordid tale, you have to realise that the only relationship to video games it has is that it happened at the Guitar Hero III launch that we reported in yesterday's news. We promised we'd show you it, so here we are... don't say you weren't warned.
Before Lydon's on-stage Q&A (and mic-throwing) session for the launch of Guitar Hero III, SPOnG managed to collar him outside for five minutes as he was having a crafty fag.
Now, we weren't expecting an erudite review of Activision's axe-based, string-karaoke game featuring a re-recorded version of Pistol's classic, Anarchy In The UK. But we were expecting some sort of a nod towards it... here's what he had to tell us.
(Warning: Not suitable for minors).
SPOnG: Hi, John, we’re were hoping to catch you for an interview, but it’s a bit mobbed. What’s it like to be in Hoxton [London’s fashion mecca or hellish spot of preening pretension – depending on your POV].
John Lydon: We’re in fackin’ Hoxton. Do you know how fackin’ hard this place used to be?
SPOnG: When did you get over here?
JL: I got in yesterday and it’s straight into rehearsal.
SPOnG: Yeah? We’re all coming along to Brixton to see you on Friday. Our uncle is coming down from Doncaster...
JL: Yep, that seems to be the night.
SPOnG: Right, so what are you going to start with? You did Bodies in 1996…
JL: [ignores question] Doncaster eh? Bloody ‘ell yeh… God, some of the gigs we used to do. And the bands we used to set up, they all like mugged us out of it, you know? Facking cants.
SPOnG: [laughs] Have you got a lighter?
And now the strangeness begins...
JL: A lighter what? Look at that (pulls out beer belly) eh! Phwooar… If you’ve got it, flaunt it I say.
SPOnG: Absolutely.
JL: Who told me I had to be thin like Britney Spears?
SPOnG: Well she’s not is she?
JL: No. Exactly. It’s alright for her. [laughs] I’m thinking of wearing a bra tomorrow.
SPOnG: You’ve also got more hair than her.
And now we're off into rant-land...
JL: Did I tell you about my videogame idea starring me and my pet go-o-o-o-at? [starts making goat neighing noises and imitates action of boning a goat]?
SPOnG: John Lydon On Goats? John Lydon’s Pet Cemetery?
JL: Recommendation for you. When practising having sex with a goat get some good, high knee-length Wellington boots. I learnt this on the farm in Ireland when I was young.
SPOnG: [laughs] Is that a confession? We're going straight to The Sun with that one.
JL: No, it’s true. You then move up to calves when you’re twelve or thirteen. It keeps the population growth down, so it’s socially a good thing. Bestiality shouldn’t be against the law.
SPOnG: Can we get a photo.
JL: Yes, here get a bit of nipple! [Rolls up shirt] Let’s have one of a belly flop over the wall too…
SPOnG: Cheers John, looking forward to seeing you on Friday.
We did warn you back at the top...
Activision's Guitar Hero III is out later this month.
Before Lydon's on-stage Q&A (and mic-throwing) session for the launch of Guitar Hero III, SPOnG managed to collar him outside for five minutes as he was having a crafty fag.
Now, we weren't expecting an erudite review of Activision's axe-based, string-karaoke game featuring a re-recorded version of Pistol's classic, Anarchy In The UK. But we were expecting some sort of a nod towards it... here's what he had to tell us.
(Warning: Not suitable for minors).
SPOnG: Hi, John, we’re were hoping to catch you for an interview, but it’s a bit mobbed. What’s it like to be in Hoxton [London’s fashion mecca or hellish spot of preening pretension – depending on your POV].
John Lydon: We’re in fackin’ Hoxton. Do you know how fackin’ hard this place used to be?
SPOnG: When did you get over here?
JL: I got in yesterday and it’s straight into rehearsal.
SPOnG: Yeah? We’re all coming along to Brixton to see you on Friday. Our uncle is coming down from Doncaster...
JL: Yep, that seems to be the night.
SPOnG: Right, so what are you going to start with? You did Bodies in 1996…
JL: [ignores question] Doncaster eh? Bloody ‘ell yeh… God, some of the gigs we used to do. And the bands we used to set up, they all like mugged us out of it, you know? Facking cants.
SPOnG: [laughs] Have you got a lighter?
And now the strangeness begins...
JL: A lighter what? Look at that (pulls out beer belly) eh! Phwooar… If you’ve got it, flaunt it I say.
SPOnG: Absolutely.
JL: Who told me I had to be thin like Britney Spears?
SPOnG: Well she’s not is she?
JL: No. Exactly. It’s alright for her. [laughs] I’m thinking of wearing a bra tomorrow.
SPOnG: You’ve also got more hair than her.
And now we're off into rant-land...
JL: Did I tell you about my videogame idea starring me and my pet go-o-o-o-at? [starts making goat neighing noises and imitates action of boning a goat]?
SPOnG: John Lydon On Goats? John Lydon’s Pet Cemetery?
JL: Recommendation for you. When practising having sex with a goat get some good, high knee-length Wellington boots. I learnt this on the farm in Ireland when I was young.
SPOnG: [laughs] Is that a confession? We're going straight to The Sun with that one.
JL: No, it’s true. You then move up to calves when you’re twelve or thirteen. It keeps the population growth down, so it’s socially a good thing. Bestiality shouldn’t be against the law.
SPOnG: Can we get a photo.
JL: Yes, here get a bit of nipple! [Rolls up shirt] Let’s have one of a belly flop over the wall too…
SPOnG: Cheers John, looking forward to seeing you on Friday.
We did warn you back at the top...
Activision's Guitar Hero III is out later this month.
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